Beneath The Truths
by Hanae da Firefly
Summary: Sometimes, we wonder if the lies we live are actually the truths we seek. And we scatter in the light of knowing; understanding more about each other than about ourselves. Can you remember those watercolour days?...


**A/N:** Yo there, peoples. Sorry for any mistakes and confusion. I didn't have the time to actually look through the whole thing one by one, but I managed to read it after it was posted. sucks, that's why I can't get my paragraphing to look nice. Anywhu, I rewrote this one-shot.

I'd like to thank those who took the time to read **Beneath The Lies**. It means a lot to me This is a sorta sequel-prequel to **Beneath The Lies**. It took place possibly some time after Gojyo first picked Hakkai up, before the latter finally started getting used to his name and his new life. It happened probably a week after **Beneath The Lies**.

Anyways, I only got **4** reviews (one with help, I begged someone to read) but it was good enough for me! Anyways, I find it unfair to my other favourite characters, so, in another nitpick of another string of flash floods of brainstorms, I hope you enjoy this second installation.

**Beneath The Truths**

_Sometimes, we wonder if the lies we live are actually the truths we seek.  
And we scatter in the light of knowing; understanding more about each other than about ourselves.  
Can you remember those watercolour days?  
When all you did was dream, dream about our future, dream about our lives together; living in your hypocrisy.  
And then, something happened to you, and those light colours that you painted with spilled to the ground, breaking and staining the canvas of our life.  
And then you figured out the truth that you never wished to believe. . ._

_**Hanae da Firefly**_

* * *

"Crap, it's raining," said Gojyo, annoyed. "How long d'we have to stay under this shit tent?" whined Goku. A few long THWACKS sounded followed by a very annoying 'SHUT THE FUCK UP!!'

"I swear that monkey gets stupider day by day, Hakkai. Any more hits from that metal-paper fan of Mister Handsome and all the brains that's left will drop out," Gojyo voiced out with slight dejection.

Hakkai smiled at Gojyo cheerily. He hid his turbulent feelings so well. But Gojyo knew better. "Bah, this is pretty damn familiar, huh, Hakkai?" Hakkai nodded at that sudden statement and rested his face in his hands.

* * *

"Oh crap, it's raining again," swore Gojyo loudly. Hakkai looked out of the window with a forlorn smile and nodded. "Yes, so it seems." The redhead looked at Hakkai with an observant eye.

"I'm fine, really I am, Gojyo," he said with a sheepish smile. Gojyo raised an eyebrow and took his glass of whisky. "Now, if the rain would just go away," continued Hakkai as he turned to look out the window, away from Gojyo's accusing glance.

It had been a few eeks now that Hakkai had received his new name. He was starting to get used to it, and he'd been getting along very quietly. A bit too quiet, though.

"I've got some business at the bar. I'll see you, Hakkai," told Gojyo suddenly, turning to take his jacket and leaving Hakkai alone in the room.

"Cho Hakkai. . . I wonder," mused the brunette, "does it really suit me better than Gonou. . .?" He looked outside at the gentle rain that reminded him violently of the blood he had shed to save nothing.

"Maybe. . ."

_Gonou. . . your hands are long and beautiful. Is it strange to say 'beautiful' to a man?_

". . . . not"

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"Soooo. . . ."

". . . . . ."

". . . you haven't seen him?"

". . . . no"

". . . . shit"

"Hell yeah"

"How can you talk so calmly, shit-smellin' monk?!!"

"What? It's not my business in any way whatsoever"

". . . . . you. . ."

Many veins began popping at Gojyo's forehead and temple.

". . . . . ."

". . . . really haven't seen him?. . ."

"No, now bug off. I've got to look for Goku"

"HAH!! You've lost Goku too!!"

"Soooo, you admit you lost Hakkai"

Many violent homicidal methods played in Gojyo's mind as he grumbled a barely audible, ". . .yes. . ."

"Are you really that stupid?"

"Sanzo"

"What?"

"Fuck you"

"I've got a gun, sprite. Don't make me waste my bullets"

"And damn it! It was raining! Of all the days. . ."

". . . . it rained?"

"Yes your Holy-Moley-Highness-of-the-Five-Magic-Chakra-Blokes, it rained. I don't give a damn about any issues you have whatsoever with this particularly wet weather, but Hakkai seems to react _veeeeeeeerrrrrry_ strangely when rain clouds begin to gather RIGHT ON MY BLOOOOODY ROOF. And, with said weather in mind, Hakkai also has the habit to mumble and talk to himself like a jackass as it reminds him of his older twin s-i-s-t-e-r, the dead chick with whom he screwed around with. So if y-!"

"Shaddap why doncha?! If you're so desperate to find him, get off your fat-ass carcass and look for him already!"

"You-!"

_Wait a minute. Don't tell me he. . ._

"What??!! Huh?!! I totally know you desire an early death but save it for someone who's willing to shave off a few bullets for a peasant such as yourself-"

"Sanzo! . . . shit. Hakkai, he-!"

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Hakkai was panting heavily as the rain soaked his freshly pressed clothes. His head was pounding as it refused to give him the right to think straight. Walking aimlessly through the woods, he felt his stomach wound sear as if it were to split.

"I can't see clearly. . ." he told himself wondering why his voice sounded so exhausted. "Kanan. . . why do you still. . . . won't let go of m-me. . ." he managed with much difficulty before he collapsed onto the wet grass.

He panted; gasped for air. He felt the pain pull him deeper and deeper into the dark but he refused to allow himself to it. That is, until he saw her face. . .

_Gonou. . . do you really want to forget me. . .?_

"No. . . Kanan. . . . I loved you. . . . loved you. . . so much. . ."

_Then. . . please don't let me go. . . _

He distinctly remembered the ecstasy that Kanan made him feel when she was still alive. Every single moment together made him hunger for her touch, her scent, her flesh.

Even when it wasn't allowed.

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Gojyo ran as fast as he could through the gloomy town. The rain soaked his clothes and chilled him to the bone. He had been asking everyone he knew about his room mate's whereabouts but, as they say, fuck it. (Or possibly it was 'tough luck')

"Yo! Banri! Have you seen Hakkai?!!" he yelled as he stormed into his usual pub. "Gojyo Why don't you chill down and sit with us a bit?" asked a high-pitched voice lazily. "Sorry babe, not tonight," Gojyo said quickly.

"What's the rush?" asked Banri lazily. "Siddown and have a drink," he continued, groping one of the girls' (who, in turn, giggled playfully). "Stop messing around, jock! You seen him or not?!!"

Banri looked at him for a moment. "Aww, Gojyo You don't wanna stay with us?" asked yet another girl. The redhead glared at his friend who was seated at the bar. "Right, alright already. You got me. Haven't seen him. Not tonight, at least," surrendered Banri.

"Thanks for slowing me down, ass-wipe!" spat Gojyo angrily as he slammed the pub door behind him. "Sheesh, what's his problem, eh, girls?" Banri complained.

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Hakkai sat on the wet grass, staring longingly at the knife that he carried with him. He remembered how bitter Kanan's tears tasted when he—_they_—found out about their relation. He was holding her close in his bed, and kissing her gently.

"I feel. . . so dead. . . Kanan," Hakkai choked between sobs. "I miss you so much," he whispered. He couldn't forget; didn't want to forget. The passion that they shared for such a long time could not be thrown away after _that_ night.

"It's not that I want to forget. . . . Kanan. . . . it's just so hard to remember"

"I let myself go for you. . . and you died. I don't have the right to love you. . . after Gonou and. . . well, after you and Gonou died. . ."

_Gonou. . . it doesn't matter to me if you are my brother. . . . I love you so much. . ._

"So. . . I want to know the truth. . . . if I really did love you. . ."

The colour of rusted steel glinted in the night.

Blood.

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Gojyo had been running for a few hours already. He grew ever more tired. He felt like he just wanted to let go of this burden. A part of his brain told him to give it up. Hakkai was a man; he could live his own life instead of weighing on another man's.

But another voice told him that if he was so willing to walk away from a burden, he was better off killed by his stepmothers' axe so long ago.

His legs could no longer stand the weight of his tired body. His knees gave way and he sat on the ground, panting heavily. He leaned his back against a tree trunk and fished his front pocket for some Hi-Lites. He allowed a stick to hang limply from his mouth as he tried to flick his lighter on.

"That thing ain't gonna light in this weather, dude," told a voice from in front. Gojyo allowed his head to tilt upwards; the rain washing his face and soaking the cigarette. The stranger was hooded in a long cloak. Suspicious much.

"Yeah. . . yeah, I kinda figured," replied Gojyo with a tired chuckle. The stranger took a seat beside Gojyo. "You'll catch a cold," said the hooded guy. "Don't really matter," replied Gojyo, throwing his cigarette as far away as possible.

"You look like you lost something," told the stranger. "Yeah, actually I did. Well, someone actually." The stranger nodded. "I lost someone too. But, I kinda walked away when I found him again," he continued.

". . .what?" asked Gojyo, as the sweat forming at his brow mingled with the rain. "That person I lost was always with me. I had a pretty loose life. Did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Drank all the alcohol I wanted and had as much sex as I could"

Gojyo let out a whistle. "Great life. Much like mine now," he said with a mischievous grin.

"Yeah, isn't it? But there was this kid who suddenly turned up outta the blue and I had to take care of him sine his mum ratted out on him. A bunch of things happened and I kinda got used to him. Then, I felt that the kid was pulling down my easy life. So I ratted out on him"

"Just as I thought I was having fun, I began to worry about the kid. So I went back to check on him. I looked and looked and looked for him. And when I did, he looked as though he was about to die. So I kinda lost hope and I. . . . just. . . left him. . ."

Gojyo looked at the guy knowingly. "It's. . .tough, dude." "It is. That's why when you find that person you lost, you better not turn away when it gets just a bit tougher. That's the reason you started looking in the first place, right?" Gojyo looked at the stranger in astonishment. It seemed so. . . familiar, this feeling.

The stranger pulled his hand out to feel the droplets of water that began to decrease. "It stopped raining." Gojyo's eyes were still on the stranger as he spoke. "We may not see each other again, you know? I'm Gojyo. Sha Gojyo."

The stranger looked startled at first, but, without pulling down his hood, he smiled and said, "I'm Dokugakuji. I'll remember what you look like; trust me."

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Hakkai opened his eyes. He could feel a pair of muscled hands pulling him to sit up straight. "Is. . . that you. . .? Goj. . ."

"Shaddap Hakkai. You made me go through hell to find you," Gojyo cut him short, pulling the knife out of Hakkai's stomach slowly. Hakkai didn't wince, but he merely looked at Gojyo's face.

"Who is. . . Hakkai. . .?"

And then reality bit him.

He keeled over in pain as the knife was flung opposite them. The pain of realization obviously hurt worse, as Hakkai's tears began to flow smoothly down his cheek.

As Gojyo helped Hakkai stand up, Hakkai said in a tired and scared voice; all choked up.

"I'm s-sorry. . . I, I just wanted to see the truth. . . if it was okay to live this life, Goj-!" he stopped as Gojyo began to chuckle loudly.

"You made me lose a cigarette and all the gas in my lighter. NOW you're throwing me all this bullshit?" he kept laughing. Hakkai looked at his friend puzzled.

"Look, say whatever you want, but 'Hakkai' suits you WAY better than old 'Gonou'. 'Sides, can't you even tell? From the day we are born, and the time we begin to assume our identities in the rotting world, there IS no such thing as truth, idiot," told Gojyo, tying his hair up.

"For all you know, we could all just be living a lie," he said with a wink. It took him a while, but Hakkai then understood, and smiled calmly, and said, "You're right. Thanks, Gojyo"

* * *

_And through the truths we've all lived. . ._

"For all we know, we could all just be living a lie"

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry if there was any confusion. Thanks for taking the time to read, and don't forget to park your mouse on that little button claed 'review', kay?


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